I was missing Good Willa Hunting terribly today. She was 70 something in dog years. I was in my 40s. So I called her Mom. My Good Mom.

This photo made me anticipate Halloween, and my dark mood lifted. That particular year, I went as Elvina, Elvira's older, chubbier and less well-endowed sister, and Willa was a Devil Dog. One of the best Halloweens ever.

I was 23 lbs. thinner than I am now. (See the link to my current photos in the section below.) Younger too, of course, with long shining hair. It was Willa who made the holiday so special, not the couple who asked me to have a threesome with them, as flattering as that was at the time. The offer was not rescinded when I told the lecherous man and woman that the giant cleavage was pretty much built on shoulder pads and a size-too-small bra.

This year? Cocoa Chanel will be a Pink Princess. Ella Fitz may be a Biker Babe again if I can find all her chains and a leather jacket on Ebay. Me? No idea. Any suggestions from my 2 loyal readers?

This link to current pictures of all three of us is in the Cover Girl post below, but what the hell. I'm so thrilled to have current pictures for the first time in years. When you're housebound with agoraphobia, well, you have either few or none.

http://www.bmac-photo.com/spot819/

POLITICS MAKES STRANGE BEDFELLOWS

God save me from said politics. For example, Ella Fitzgerald is a militant. A Black Wolf, if you will. She insists on being called a Canine-American. It gets really old when every time I say dog or dogs, she makes a little huffing sound and turns her face away. For God's sake, I don't insist on being called a Russian/Polish/Jewish-American or a Mentally Ill-American or a Recovering Asshole/Ho-American (the focus of my new attempt at standup open mike comedy). But whatever.

Ella's attitude about her identity is actually much less aggravating than Cocoa Chanel's. Cocoa is a Log Cabin Republican. A gay Republican!!!!! Aggghhhhh. I'm a lifelong Democrat and cannot conceive of a lesbian joining the dark side for any reason. She maintains that she is fiscally conservative but socially quite liberal. Again, whatever. It is so frustrating. I can hardly get her to read at all, never mind sign any petitions. So, to me, it's all a big affectation to shock her dykey pals.

More later. EF and CC are ganging up against me.

THE NEWS IS BROKEN

Okay, this whole Karr thing -- I refuse to call him/it by the three name serial killer moniker they all get -- with him and the giant shrimp and champagne on the plane while the world blows up and people go hungry and don't even get me stahhhted, as they say in Boston.

This is all so much like the Peter Sellers' movie Being There where, how could this happen?, an idiot becomes President and television is king because Chauncey Gardener, the prez who is really a Gardener (probably a uniter, not a divider too, but I don't remember), only speaks in quotes from TV. And so much like Nero fiddling while Rome burned. NPR said it best, "The news is broken." But geniuses like Jon Stewart and Keith Olberman did fantasticly great montages of the Cable Talking Heads reporting -- ad nauseum doesn't begin to do it. ad AIDs maybe -- on the shrimp and the cocktails and Karr combing his hair. The media has reached a new absolute zero low and the Fake News people are peeing their pants with joy.

Such a bizarre week. I get to have a photo shoot and be a Cover Girl and the news breaks.

My Racism radar goes berserk when shit like this happens. When the missing children are African-American or Latino, what happens? Zilch. Nada. It's not Katrina level racism, but it sucks. This beautiful white girl has actually had someone at Homeland Security helping to find her killer. It's enough already. It's so sad, of course. Poor parents. Poor parents who exploited their child by dressing her as a tiny sexy adult... Whole other area for another discussion.

In the meantime New Orleans has another hurricane heading its way, last year's mess is still a hideous blight and reminder -- I soooo want to know where all the money we donated went, not to mention the government money. Agghhhhh. And the news is broken.

COVER GIRL

Okay, this is a surreal week. My Wonderpups and I are going to be the cover story for the September issue of Spot, the dog-focused magazine that replaced Dog Nose News here in Portland, OR.

It is all kinds of backwards and wonderful and flattering. And anyone who knows me at all knows that backwards is the only one of those words that fits me comfortably, but I am gradually feeling safer with things going well and not expecting the proverbial shoe to do its thing. As a very very gay male friend of mine once said, with cocked hip, wrist and attitude, when I was worrying about the evil eye, "Honey, that damn shoe done dropped. And dropped and dropped. Time for some fun." And, finally, after years of emotional hell, my life is taking a sharp turn for the better. It has been for the past 8-9 months anyway. A very very good thing, Martha.

So, anyway, a lovely freelance writer read some of my posts to the SnB (formerly Stitch'n'Bitch) Yahoo group. The irony is that I no longer post there because it got dull and I only knit dog sweaters and ponchos, for some reason, and because I can't seem to control my mood disorder with my fellow knitters. Up until now anyway. Something else to work on. So Alexa the freelancer catching my posts on SnB when she isn't even much of a knitter herself? Kind of a God thing. God I have a complicated relationship, but when I am truly able to do my footwork and then just let go, amazing things happen. But then there is Katrina, Iraq, terrorists, Bushies... Our relationship is complicated and, at time, borderline combative.

Turns out being an agoraphobic writer and having working dogs (no, not that kind. They do not have a corner in Old Town :)) that helphelped me heal and making dog sweaters and doing standup comedy and taking classes and other steps towards becoming a motivational speaker... Turns out this stuff makes me interesting. I knew my story could move and help a cross-section of people. In fact, several of my POP book chapters are in the August Archive on here, so I was already a bit cautiouly optimistic about myself as a good story. I'll be adding some work-in-progress chapters and would be grateful for constructive feedback towards making them better and better. But having someone, well, really two someones, because the publisher Jennifer is a whirling dervish of activity and creativity, not to mention so effing funny, believe in me and find me fascinating and, I kid you not, "easy to work with", well, it does not get any better for someone who was actually once on Oprah for being An Acquired Taste.

It never occurred to me that someone would email me out of the blue, interview me thoroughly, intuitively and professionally the next day, that I would have a real photo shoot the day after. Frosting on the giant cake being that the publisher is a hoot, Alexa the writer gives great interview and writes beautifully and that there would be sidebars with information about Delta Society, Dove Lewis, Animal-Assisted Therapy, NAMI and even Harveys Comedy Club!!!! Almost everyone I care about passionately. Chocolate and Brian Dennehy -- now that I'm older and larger, I love a man with Volume! --did not fit with the other content. An enormous gift from the universe, to get some attention and also have a good chance to help others who are suffering and/or those who just needed to hear about overcoming obstacles.

Of course there will be naysayers who will write in: "She doesn't know ADA law." Send. "She didn't train her service dog properly." Send. "I know her and she could not suck more." Send. But I am choosing, with my hard won panic-disorder-managing skills, to respect other points of view and to focus on any positive feedback that does come in.

More later and maybe even some photos of me and the Wonderpups. This week I am a middle-aged menopawsal (menopause with pets) emotionally challenged Cover Girl. Life is good one day at a time.

Oh yes, here is the link to the photo shoot photos. Might as well give the hip and cool photographer a shout out. I wasn't his dream subject, clearly -- and why the hell would I be? :), but life goes on.

http://www.bmac-photo.com/spot819/