My Mental Health Checklist -- Desperate for a Hip/Clever Name. Please help!!!
MENTAL HEALTH CHECKLIST (until I think of new hip title)
These are some tips, in no particular order – and I have lots of other material to add if anyone but me thinks that this stuff is useful or funny or whatever – that I put together to share with some of the Reed students who walk my dogs for me when they feel like it. (I’m a bit bitter right now because they are slowly falling off, as was bound to happen due to the incredible academic load they all carry. I just miss them. Which I can handle, but the wonderpups miss them badly and that is tough for me. Very.)
Anyway, a couple of the Reedies seem to have pretty serious mood disorders, but I’m not a professional so I will just call it emotional challenges. Hope this is PC enough. So I began writing down some things that help me when the mental illnesses are kicking my ass. And, well, just to get me through Life (which I have personally always felt is overrated.)
I wanted to make the List accessible for very busy people with short attention spans and so began adding in humor and anecdotes. Started to think that maybe I was on to something. I would be so very grateful for any and all feedback, for your sharing any practice that helps you with your demons and, well, any ideas about what I could do with this if it is Something. New blog, website, zine, whatever. Anyone? Bueller? Huge gratitude from me and the pups in advance, of course!!!
THOSE CRITICAL VOICES
Really hear and acknowledge the Critical Tapes that run in your head (what Anne Lamott calls KFuck radio, the shit that plays constantly, telling you that you are NOT OKAY, that you are less than, which is BULLCRAP. In my case "you are a piece of shit and I want to die" figure prominently and are so not apt or helpful when I’ve forgotten to go to the post office. The goal here is to slowly begin to talk back to those tapes. Tell them to fuck off, that you don't need their input, that they are wrong and mean and useless. Or that they have bad breath. Whatever gets them to shut up and whatever comforts you. This is incredibly empowering and powerful.
Writing your responses down is even more potent and is part of what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is all about. Which I recommend highly!! So highly. Google CBT during your vast free time (this is directed at Reedies and workaholics in general.) For me, working with a partner in every aspect of my life has helped me so much with this. KFuck radio has so much less power when you are collaborating with someone who supports you. Works with study partners too.
I moved to Oregon partly because of my late husband and partly to find a writing partner. My bitterness over the self-absorption of the writers here knows no bounds. I work hard every day to morph that energy into humor.
HUMOR ROCKS
A deep laugh is like an internal massage. The healing powers of laughter are unquantifiable. Read and watch funny stuff in your vast free time. Make fun of your professors amongst yourselves (substitute bosses for those who have graduated) -- look for specific words or gestures that particularly bug. And the idiotic, deeply insecure and fucked up Superior People. Form your own Clique/Motley Posse (there is nothing I love more than a Motley Posse. I'm going to make one of you read the children's screenplay I wrote with a c--- of a screenwriting partner -- and she still helped me so much!) You will see how essential a posse can be.
You and your MP (applies to work situations too) need to band together and mock the Cliques in class and out. if they all dress a particular way, you all dress that way too in an extreme form. Play the equivalent of drinking games in a boring class: again, look and listen for habitual odd behavior and all put your heads on the de sk at once or whatever. Giggle amongst yourselves and boost your endorphins. Knitting does this also, ladies and gentleman. I used to call it "turning anxiety into clothing" before it left my subsected brain. (wow, a trigonometry reference?)
UNCENSORED WRITING
Do some freewriting daily, just writing whatever comes into your mind for at least 10 minutes. This is so powerful and can give you access to feelings and memories and insights you didn't even know you knew/had!!! And it gives the damaged, sad, angry parts of you an uninhibited voice, which they so very badly need (and we all have them, no matter how "healthy" your family of origin was. 10 minutes a day, folks. That is all. It's frustrating but until you recognize, acknowledge and process (this most often requires professional help at at least some point. Are there counselors at Reed? Can Alumnae access them at all? Seriously, kiddos, something to look into.) For now, 10 minutes unedited writing a day. At least. Or get a tape recorder and talk into it while walking (see Exercise below) or whatever. It can only improve your rep as Eccentric at Reed.) My beef, being a comedian: why is something eccentric and not just funny to asshole s and/or Republicans and/or oregonians? No wonder I fit in with several of you Reedies.
SIMPLE ABUNDANCE
And/or keep a Gratitude Journal. Helps me enormously. I can't even tell you. GJ means writing down every day at least 5 tiny things, little abundances, for which you are grateful, thankful, whatever. These days I often talk to God directly to say thank you, but this is much less effective. (Oh, bitter and cynical people) you do not have to believe in God or any higher power to do this. For me, Obi Won Kenobi was my HP for years and years and I still find the thought of Alec Guiness so so comforting. Thank the Universe, tell it how grateful you are for the gorgeous sweater-wearing puppies you saw that day. Someone famous once said that if the only prayer you ever pray is Thank You, that will be enough. And what you focus on is what grows in your life. Which is why my life sucks and has sucked with the clinical depression and anxiety, and I don't want that for anyone I care about except pedophile, rapists and serial killers. And my mother.
Your brain loves a habit and will begin to look for and record every positive thing that happens during the day. Expressing gratitude is very very very good for the soul. On a bad day, it can be that you're thankful for breathing in and out, grateful this day is over, for Teddy's wonderpups, etc. :)
TAKE A DEEP BREATH
This could not be more important and I should have put it at number one. It is physically impossible to feel really anxious when you are breathing slowly and deeply. Recognizing your breathing is key to managing anxiety and other mood disorders and life in general, not to mention Superior People and Assholes. If and when you feel anxiety coming on, immediately pay attention to your breathing! This will take practice and it's imperative you start doing this now. It will improve the quality of your life
enormously and you deserve the highest quality of life (if you are not a pedophile, etc.) Slow your breathing down and breathe from your abdomen.
Google this and learn about various techniques. I get overwhelmed easily and have so many other majorl Looney Tune/Outpatient issues, so I just breathe in for 4 and breathe out for six counts, making sure my abdomen is rising and falling, rising when you breathe in and falling when you breathe out. A powerful practice to do as much as possible, especially if there is social anxiety or phobia, is to, before you say anything or freeze or leave your body because someone else is talking to you, and as soon as you hear the Critical Voices begin to fuck you up and your breath to quicken, breathe in for 4, hold for 4 and breathe out for 4. Take that nano time to Recognize that this is anxiety/panic attack, that it will not kill you and that the other person/people are more focused on themselves than on you. See next step for help managing social anxiety.
BECOMING FASCINATING
In the case of social anxiety/phobia or just misanthropy in general, do your 4 4 4 breathing, continue to calm down your breathing and to tell KFuck radio to shut the hell up and then ask the other person about him/herself! People find themselves infinitely fascinating. Seriously. Even if they are walking Ambien. They will find you fascinating for really listening to them. Being a Great Listener is a fabulous fabulous thing. You learn so much, so much more than you do by talking (some of us listen while talking and exhausting others, but you have to have a unique brain to do this well so i don't recommend it to novices.), while you accumulate great material for your present or future writing career, and you become a more compassionate and empathetic person by realizing that Everybody Hurts, badly at time, and that REM is very very wise. And for the present, you take the focus off yourself. Wonderpups, Service Dogs do this too but I am severely biased.
THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS
That reminds me: be kind, compassionate and comforting to others as much as is possible. Everyone is in some kind of pain and Assholes are often in the worst pain (I say this as a Relapsing Recovering Asshole/Agoraphobic.) Say nice things even though no one ever said them to you. Give good compliments. Don't say I like your sweater (which he/she might have received from visually impaired Aunt Esther) when you can say, that color looks wonderful on you!!! I love giving compliments -- it's my way of compensating for having withholding parents. Did i mention this already? Tell older people they look young and cute and someone might want to date them, even when they don't (especially brain damaged elders with dogs).
Well, tell as much truth as possible. I do that, which is why I get huge smiles in response to my compliments. When the anxious/damaged parts of yourself hear wonderfully kind comments, even if they are addressed to your fabulous canine or feline americans, healing takes place!!!!! Seriously. Being kind is as nurturing and healing to yourself as it is to others. and who doesn't want to make a non-pedophile smile. Seriously. (Sorry, i watch too much TV, including Grey's Anatomy.) Again, especially when you are being kind to older brain impaired people with wonderpups who feel old and fat and ugly most of the time, particularly when they are walking at Reed. Arghhhhh.
[Addendum: I received the most lovely compliment yesterday from a stunning and well-put-together woman at Trader Joe's. I was untying the wonderpups from their post. They were wearing pink and olive chia pet sweaters and looked gorgeous. Popular as ever. The woman came out of TJs, looked at the girls and asked, "I knew they were yours. Want to know why? Me: Yes! (Desperate as always for attention/ feedback/ love/compliments.) She: Because you are so beautifully dressed.
Okay, this was an Oh My God/Peak Moment for me. I’m wearing my favorite sweater, necklace and boots. I've lost 15 pounds. I love clothes and fashion. There is a whole rant here about this and about how much I loathe PDX, but that is for another time. I dress carefully because I am poor and because the six-year-old part of me wants everything to match and to look as much Early Kindergarten as possible. This kind kind kind woman made my week. Shit, she made my compliment-deficient year! Just because someone is old and chubby doesn't mean she is past loving a sweet word here or there. He/she needs it more because older people are invisible in American culture – another rant here for another time. And it sucks bigtime. Shutting up now.)]
MOVING IT
Shit, my effing brain. What i had to say is gone. Oh, shit, yes, exercise is extremely important. I know you know this, kids. Boosts endorphins, of course. It is as effective against depression and probably anxiety too as meds are. I have to take meds because I have no serotonin at all. None of the good chemicals. It is worth talking to someone good about meds if there is major suffering going on. Life is not meant to be lived this way, as much awful daily suffering as there is in most of the world. Diabetics take insulin, etc. Many people are serotonin and norepinephrine -deficient. (Please note, even with brain damage, how incredibly well I spell I am a walking Spellcheck!)
Speaking of walking, walking is as good as running, with fewer injuries, if you walk at your target heart rate. (220 minus your age X 75%, up to 85 if you are fit already.) The temptation when you are depressed or anxious is to just sit there and eat carbs. (I have nothing against carbs, especially chocolate crrrrroissants from Trader Joe's, which literally make me extremely sick but are worth it occasionally.) Get your mood disordered ass out there for at least 10 minutes or dance around your room/ apartment when you are feeling lethargic, blue, whatever. Seriously, folks.
That's it for now. I apologize for errors. i was only able to proofread – or preefrude as my damaged brain tends to say it. -- once because the wonderpups/service dogs and I have to put on our raincoats/yellow ponchos and go to the poor people's clinic downtown for health care. Luckily, we are beloved by the recovering addicts and homeless people for being fun and having fabulous canine companions and by the doctors for being high-functioning. And Pearl Bakery is there. They carry brioche bread, chocolate paninis and more. Horrible for me, really bad, but sometimes the soul needs what it needs. And we do walk around the Pearl. J
I’ll be adding more over time. Again, just wanted to say how grateful I am for any feedback and any encouragement at all to continue with this if it’s helpful or entertaining at all.
These are some tips, in no particular order – and I have lots of other material to add if anyone but me thinks that this stuff is useful or funny or whatever – that I put together to share with some of the Reed students who walk my dogs for me when they feel like it. (I’m a bit bitter right now because they are slowly falling off, as was bound to happen due to the incredible academic load they all carry. I just miss them. Which I can handle, but the wonderpups miss them badly and that is tough for me. Very.)
Anyway, a couple of the Reedies seem to have pretty serious mood disorders, but I’m not a professional so I will just call it emotional challenges. Hope this is PC enough. So I began writing down some things that help me when the mental illnesses are kicking my ass. And, well, just to get me through Life (which I have personally always felt is overrated.)
I wanted to make the List accessible for very busy people with short attention spans and so began adding in humor and anecdotes. Started to think that maybe I was on to something. I would be so very grateful for any and all feedback, for your sharing any practice that helps you with your demons and, well, any ideas about what I could do with this if it is Something. New blog, website, zine, whatever. Anyone? Bueller? Huge gratitude from me and the pups in advance, of course!!!
THOSE CRITICAL VOICES
Really hear and acknowledge the Critical Tapes that run in your head (what Anne Lamott calls KFuck radio, the shit that plays constantly, telling you that you are NOT OKAY, that you are less than, which is BULLCRAP. In my case "you are a piece of shit and I want to die" figure prominently and are so not apt or helpful when I’ve forgotten to go to the post office. The goal here is to slowly begin to talk back to those tapes. Tell them to fuck off, that you don't need their input, that they are wrong and mean and useless. Or that they have bad breath. Whatever gets them to shut up and whatever comforts you. This is incredibly empowering and powerful.
Writing your responses down is even more potent and is part of what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is all about. Which I recommend highly!! So highly. Google CBT during your vast free time (this is directed at Reedies and workaholics in general.) For me, working with a partner in every aspect of my life has helped me so much with this. KFuck radio has so much less power when you are collaborating with someone who supports you. Works with study partners too.
I moved to Oregon partly because of my late husband and partly to find a writing partner. My bitterness over the self-absorption of the writers here knows no bounds. I work hard every day to morph that energy into humor.
HUMOR ROCKS
A deep laugh is like an internal massage. The healing powers of laughter are unquantifiable. Read and watch funny stuff in your vast free time. Make fun of your professors amongst yourselves (substitute bosses for those who have graduated) -- look for specific words or gestures that particularly bug. And the idiotic, deeply insecure and fucked up Superior People. Form your own Clique/Motley Posse (there is nothing I love more than a Motley Posse. I'm going to make one of you read the children's screenplay I wrote with a c--- of a screenwriting partner -- and she still helped me so much!) You will see how essential a posse can be.
You and your MP (applies to work situations too) need to band together and mock the Cliques in class and out. if they all dress a particular way, you all dress that way too in an extreme form. Play the equivalent of drinking games in a boring class: again, look and listen for habitual odd behavior and all put your heads on the de sk at once or whatever. Giggle amongst yourselves and boost your endorphins. Knitting does this also, ladies and gentleman. I used to call it "turning anxiety into clothing" before it left my subsected brain. (wow, a trigonometry reference?)
UNCENSORED WRITING
Do some freewriting daily, just writing whatever comes into your mind for at least 10 minutes. This is so powerful and can give you access to feelings and memories and insights you didn't even know you knew/had!!! And it gives the damaged, sad, angry parts of you an uninhibited voice, which they so very badly need (and we all have them, no matter how "healthy" your family of origin was. 10 minutes a day, folks. That is all. It's frustrating but until you recognize, acknowledge and process (this most often requires professional help at at least some point. Are there counselors at Reed? Can Alumnae access them at all? Seriously, kiddos, something to look into.) For now, 10 minutes unedited writing a day. At least. Or get a tape recorder and talk into it while walking (see Exercise below) or whatever. It can only improve your rep as Eccentric at Reed.) My beef, being a comedian: why is something eccentric and not just funny to asshole s and/or Republicans and/or oregonians? No wonder I fit in with several of you Reedies.
SIMPLE ABUNDANCE
And/or keep a Gratitude Journal. Helps me enormously. I can't even tell you. GJ means writing down every day at least 5 tiny things, little abundances, for which you are grateful, thankful, whatever. These days I often talk to God directly to say thank you, but this is much less effective. (Oh, bitter and cynical people) you do not have to believe in God or any higher power to do this. For me, Obi Won Kenobi was my HP for years and years and I still find the thought of Alec Guiness so so comforting. Thank the Universe, tell it how grateful you are for the gorgeous sweater-wearing puppies you saw that day. Someone famous once said that if the only prayer you ever pray is Thank You, that will be enough. And what you focus on is what grows in your life. Which is why my life sucks and has sucked with the clinical depression and anxiety, and I don't want that for anyone I care about except pedophile, rapists and serial killers. And my mother.
Your brain loves a habit and will begin to look for and record every positive thing that happens during the day. Expressing gratitude is very very very good for the soul. On a bad day, it can be that you're thankful for breathing in and out, grateful this day is over, for Teddy's wonderpups, etc. :)
TAKE A DEEP BREATH
This could not be more important and I should have put it at number one. It is physically impossible to feel really anxious when you are breathing slowly and deeply. Recognizing your breathing is key to managing anxiety and other mood disorders and life in general, not to mention Superior People and Assholes. If and when you feel anxiety coming on, immediately pay attention to your breathing! This will take practice and it's imperative you start doing this now. It will improve the quality of your life
enormously and you deserve the highest quality of life (if you are not a pedophile, etc.) Slow your breathing down and breathe from your abdomen.
Google this and learn about various techniques. I get overwhelmed easily and have so many other majorl Looney Tune/Outpatient issues, so I just breathe in for 4 and breathe out for six counts, making sure my abdomen is rising and falling, rising when you breathe in and falling when you breathe out. A powerful practice to do as much as possible, especially if there is social anxiety or phobia, is to, before you say anything or freeze or leave your body because someone else is talking to you, and as soon as you hear the Critical Voices begin to fuck you up and your breath to quicken, breathe in for 4, hold for 4 and breathe out for 4. Take that nano time to Recognize that this is anxiety/panic attack, that it will not kill you and that the other person/people are more focused on themselves than on you. See next step for help managing social anxiety.
BECOMING FASCINATING
In the case of social anxiety/phobia or just misanthropy in general, do your 4 4 4 breathing, continue to calm down your breathing and to tell KFuck radio to shut the hell up and then ask the other person about him/herself! People find themselves infinitely fascinating. Seriously. Even if they are walking Ambien. They will find you fascinating for really listening to them. Being a Great Listener is a fabulous fabulous thing. You learn so much, so much more than you do by talking (some of us listen while talking and exhausting others, but you have to have a unique brain to do this well so i don't recommend it to novices.), while you accumulate great material for your present or future writing career, and you become a more compassionate and empathetic person by realizing that Everybody Hurts, badly at time, and that REM is very very wise. And for the present, you take the focus off yourself. Wonderpups, Service Dogs do this too but I am severely biased.
THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS
That reminds me: be kind, compassionate and comforting to others as much as is possible. Everyone is in some kind of pain and Assholes are often in the worst pain (I say this as a Relapsing Recovering Asshole/Agoraphobic.) Say nice things even though no one ever said them to you. Give good compliments. Don't say I like your sweater (which he/she might have received from visually impaired Aunt Esther) when you can say, that color looks wonderful on you!!! I love giving compliments -- it's my way of compensating for having withholding parents. Did i mention this already? Tell older people they look young and cute and someone might want to date them, even when they don't (especially brain damaged elders with dogs).
Well, tell as much truth as possible. I do that, which is why I get huge smiles in response to my compliments. When the anxious/damaged parts of yourself hear wonderfully kind comments, even if they are addressed to your fabulous canine or feline americans, healing takes place!!!!! Seriously. Being kind is as nurturing and healing to yourself as it is to others. and who doesn't want to make a non-pedophile smile. Seriously. (Sorry, i watch too much TV, including Grey's Anatomy.) Again, especially when you are being kind to older brain impaired people with wonderpups who feel old and fat and ugly most of the time, particularly when they are walking at Reed. Arghhhhh.
[Addendum: I received the most lovely compliment yesterday from a stunning and well-put-together woman at Trader Joe's. I was untying the wonderpups from their post. They were wearing pink and olive chia pet sweaters and looked gorgeous. Popular as ever. The woman came out of TJs, looked at the girls and asked, "I knew they were yours. Want to know why? Me: Yes! (Desperate as always for attention/ feedback/ love/compliments.) She: Because you are so beautifully dressed.
Okay, this was an Oh My God/Peak Moment for me. I’m wearing my favorite sweater, necklace and boots. I've lost 15 pounds. I love clothes and fashion. There is a whole rant here about this and about how much I loathe PDX, but that is for another time. I dress carefully because I am poor and because the six-year-old part of me wants everything to match and to look as much Early Kindergarten as possible. This kind kind kind woman made my week. Shit, she made my compliment-deficient year! Just because someone is old and chubby doesn't mean she is past loving a sweet word here or there. He/she needs it more because older people are invisible in American culture – another rant here for another time. And it sucks bigtime. Shutting up now.)]
MOVING IT
Shit, my effing brain. What i had to say is gone. Oh, shit, yes, exercise is extremely important. I know you know this, kids. Boosts endorphins, of course. It is as effective against depression and probably anxiety too as meds are. I have to take meds because I have no serotonin at all. None of the good chemicals. It is worth talking to someone good about meds if there is major suffering going on. Life is not meant to be lived this way, as much awful daily suffering as there is in most of the world. Diabetics take insulin, etc. Many people are serotonin and norepinephrine -deficient. (Please note, even with brain damage, how incredibly well I spell I am a walking Spellcheck!)
Speaking of walking, walking is as good as running, with fewer injuries, if you walk at your target heart rate. (220 minus your age X 75%, up to 85 if you are fit already.) The temptation when you are depressed or anxious is to just sit there and eat carbs. (I have nothing against carbs, especially chocolate crrrrroissants from Trader Joe's, which literally make me extremely sick but are worth it occasionally.) Get your mood disordered ass out there for at least 10 minutes or dance around your room/ apartment when you are feeling lethargic, blue, whatever. Seriously, folks.
That's it for now. I apologize for errors. i was only able to proofread – or preefrude as my damaged brain tends to say it. -- once because the wonderpups/service dogs and I have to put on our raincoats/yellow ponchos and go to the poor people's clinic downtown for health care. Luckily, we are beloved by the recovering addicts and homeless people for being fun and having fabulous canine companions and by the doctors for being high-functioning. And Pearl Bakery is there. They carry brioche bread, chocolate paninis and more. Horrible for me, really bad, but sometimes the soul needs what it needs. And we do walk around the Pearl. J
I’ll be adding more over time. Again, just wanted to say how grateful I am for any feedback and any encouragement at all to continue with this if it’s helpful or entertaining at all.
posted by TheodoraK at 6:34 PM
1 Comments:
Some things that I have found help for me is
Listening to angry music-I don't know why this makes me feel better, but it does. I have a whole playlist called I Hate You that I listen to until I feel better.
Sometimes when I'm too angry even to focus enough to write a poem or draw, I brainstorm. I'll write down a word, circle it, then draw little lines and attach other words to it, and so on. It organizes my thoughts.
Computer recycling helped because I got to lob printers across a 600 sq ft warehouse when I was angry. I got work done, and got my aggression out!
Post a Comment
<< Home